What If?
I make no apologies for this. This is a Christian website, and thus there are Christian philosophies and beliefs touted, observed, and expected to be followed as we overcome our addiction to porn. One of those beliefs is to save sex for marriage. But what if?
What if you never get married? I am a single guy, and if I never get married I still never want to look at porn or masturbate ever again. Porn has been the worst thing that ever happened to me. If I am to die a virgin so be it.
What if you wait until you are married to have sex and then because of a physical problem or an emotional problem you cannot consummate your marriage?
On the website https://unveiledwife.com/ (go there at your discretion) a lady tells how she did not realize she was allergic to an ingredient in the face cream she was using and because of it, it made sex far too painful for her to consummate her marriage. Because of this allergic reaction her husband and her did not consummate their marriage for three and a half years.
I read another story years ago about a man who was continually molested as a boy once he got married he was too emotionally damaged to ever consummate the marriage.
What if you get married and something similar happens to you? Because of a physical ailment or emotional damage you discover on your wedding night there is to be no sex. God says to love your wife like Christ loves the church. How are you going to unconditionally love her?
I think there are three things every Christian single must do to overcome this terrible addiction. First is to fast. Second is to get counseling. Third is to fantasize about intimacy, not sex. If this bad terrible situation were to occur, you could still practice intimacy. No question about it, this is probably the most disappointing thing that could happen in your life. And yet once you say I Do you are still commanded to love her like Christ loves the Church.
I know the world asks this question. They ask how do you know you are sexually compatible if you don’t have sex. They say wouldn’t it be terrible if you got married and found out on your wedding night you couldn’t have sex. I do think that would be terrible. In fact unlike the world I brought two examples.
The truth is intimacy is built by trust. You for instance are not going to reveal your addiction to someone you don’t think you can trust. I believe saving sex for marriage in part is a trust issue, and in that it is an intimacy issue.
There is a book being sold on https://unveiledwife.com/ about this ladies story. At this moment my thought is after I reveal my past addiction to whomever I get engaged to, assuming I ever get engaged, I will get this book for her (I personally do not plan on reading it because I think this book would strongly pull me toward porn). I will let her know in no uncertain terms that once we say I do my love is unconditional, even in that terrible situation.
So until my wedding night I do not know if we will be able to have sex. But it doesn’t matter, I have got to obey God, and I have to honor her. The way I see it is that if I say I have to check her out sexually before marriage then I don’t trust her, and I am telling her that my love is conditional. I want true intimacy, I do not think I will be able to overcome porn as a married without it.
My great fear is that I go back to the misery called porn. I fear that I could go back to it as a single, I fear I could get married and sex itself could draw me back into porn, I fear I could get married and the lack of sex draw me to porn. It is my deep hope that the intimacy will make porn far too shallow to ever draw me back.
I know the number one need a woman has is security. Many times women have sex outside of marriage to try to trap a guy into marrying them, or to get a guy to stay with them, but in doing so they are giving up that security they so desperately need. I have been around long enough to watch that insecurity go into their marriage and it hinders intimacy. Me being addicted to porn, I think that is at least as big of a problem as these couples who can not have sex due to physical or emotional problems.
The porn industry, Hollywood, sex ed, the world, and etc are strongly trying to turn sex (water it down) into a better form of masturbation. And if you take the intimacy out of sex, or out of your marriage then that’s all it becomes. I recognize I will likely struggle with porn the rest of my life, but I don’t want the lack of intimacy in sex to make that struggle that much harder.
When I get married I am giving that girl my entire life, its not that divorce is not an option, but I see the very act of not unconditionally loving my wife to be a very grievous sin. When you have sex you are giving your entire being to that woman. And when she has sex with you she is giving you everything she is. Outside of marriage, she has no promise that you will be there tomorrow. That destroys security and intimacy for her. Inside of marriage there is security for her.
And the question comes back to what if you get married and do to a physical or emotional problem you cannot have sex. The way I see it, I have looked upon women and lusted after them in my heart and thus I have committed adultery so many times. I would be getting what I deserve. But what about that woman I marry? I feel much sorrier for her than myself. I would be getting what I deserve. But how would she feel? If she marries you she would want to be a good wife and because of her problem she cant be. How would you love her at that moment when she would feel so worthless?
What if you never get married? I am a single guy, and if I never get married I still never want to look at porn or masturbate ever again. Porn has been the worst thing that ever happened to me. If I am to die a virgin so be it.
What if you wait until you are married to have sex and then because of a physical problem or an emotional problem you cannot consummate your marriage?
On the website https://unveiledwife.com/ (go there at your discretion) a lady tells how she did not realize she was allergic to an ingredient in the face cream she was using and because of it, it made sex far too painful for her to consummate her marriage. Because of this allergic reaction her husband and her did not consummate their marriage for three and a half years.
I read another story years ago about a man who was continually molested as a boy once he got married he was too emotionally damaged to ever consummate the marriage.
What if you get married and something similar happens to you? Because of a physical ailment or emotional damage you discover on your wedding night there is to be no sex. God says to love your wife like Christ loves the church. How are you going to unconditionally love her?
I think there are three things every Christian single must do to overcome this terrible addiction. First is to fast. Second is to get counseling. Third is to fantasize about intimacy, not sex. If this bad terrible situation were to occur, you could still practice intimacy. No question about it, this is probably the most disappointing thing that could happen in your life. And yet once you say I Do you are still commanded to love her like Christ loves the Church.
I know the world asks this question. They ask how do you know you are sexually compatible if you don’t have sex. They say wouldn’t it be terrible if you got married and found out on your wedding night you couldn’t have sex. I do think that would be terrible. In fact unlike the world I brought two examples.
The truth is intimacy is built by trust. You for instance are not going to reveal your addiction to someone you don’t think you can trust. I believe saving sex for marriage in part is a trust issue, and in that it is an intimacy issue.
There is a book being sold on https://unveiledwife.com/ about this ladies story. At this moment my thought is after I reveal my past addiction to whomever I get engaged to, assuming I ever get engaged, I will get this book for her (I personally do not plan on reading it because I think this book would strongly pull me toward porn). I will let her know in no uncertain terms that once we say I do my love is unconditional, even in that terrible situation.
So until my wedding night I do not know if we will be able to have sex. But it doesn’t matter, I have got to obey God, and I have to honor her. The way I see it is that if I say I have to check her out sexually before marriage then I don’t trust her, and I am telling her that my love is conditional. I want true intimacy, I do not think I will be able to overcome porn as a married without it.
My great fear is that I go back to the misery called porn. I fear that I could go back to it as a single, I fear I could get married and sex itself could draw me back into porn, I fear I could get married and the lack of sex draw me to porn. It is my deep hope that the intimacy will make porn far too shallow to ever draw me back.
I know the number one need a woman has is security. Many times women have sex outside of marriage to try to trap a guy into marrying them, or to get a guy to stay with them, but in doing so they are giving up that security they so desperately need. I have been around long enough to watch that insecurity go into their marriage and it hinders intimacy. Me being addicted to porn, I think that is at least as big of a problem as these couples who can not have sex due to physical or emotional problems.
The porn industry, Hollywood, sex ed, the world, and etc are strongly trying to turn sex (water it down) into a better form of masturbation. And if you take the intimacy out of sex, or out of your marriage then that’s all it becomes. I recognize I will likely struggle with porn the rest of my life, but I don’t want the lack of intimacy in sex to make that struggle that much harder.
When I get married I am giving that girl my entire life, its not that divorce is not an option, but I see the very act of not unconditionally loving my wife to be a very grievous sin. When you have sex you are giving your entire being to that woman. And when she has sex with you she is giving you everything she is. Outside of marriage, she has no promise that you will be there tomorrow. That destroys security and intimacy for her. Inside of marriage there is security for her.
And the question comes back to what if you get married and do to a physical or emotional problem you cannot have sex. The way I see it, I have looked upon women and lusted after them in my heart and thus I have committed adultery so many times. I would be getting what I deserve. But what about that woman I marry? I feel much sorrier for her than myself. I would be getting what I deserve. But how would she feel? If she marries you she would want to be a good wife and because of her problem she cant be. How would you love her at that moment when she would feel so worthless?