Right and Wrong
Before I start I want to emphasis that marriage and sex is not the greatest joy you will have in this life. According to III John 1:4 discipleship is.
With that said lets discuss what is sinful in dating/courtship.
1. Dating a non-Christian is sinful
2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2. Having sex outside of marriage is sinful
1Co 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
I would argue that you would be hard pressed to find any other clear sins you can commit in dating in the Bible. Sure you could say, that if God has clearly called you to a specific ministry, like the foreign mission field, and you marry someone who would make it impossible to obey the call of God, is a sin. But that isn’t clear cut. And that doesn’t govern every Christian because not every Christian has a clear call of God.
So to sum it up, dating a non-Christian is clearly sin, and having sex outside of marriage is sin. Nothing else exclusive to dating is a sin.
Maybe you are thinking about all the books written on dating/courtship, the conversations you had with your parents, or the sermons you have heard about dating. If any of these have told you that it’s a sin to do something beyond these two things in dating then I would encourage you to look up the verses they mentioned, if they even mentioned verses. Outside of these two sins everything you do in dating is either wise or unwise.
Perhaps you will argue that if you were to get married then you need to do certain things to be a good husband or be a good wife, and I would point out that we are talking about dating. Husbands and wives have a lot of biblical responsibilities that boyfriends and girlfriends do not have. The dating and engagement process takes time and in that time you as a couple should get to the place where you will be obedient to what the Bible says about husbands and wives. But if you are not there today then its not a sin to date. It may be unwise but its not a sin.
Maybe you are thinking that the Bible says “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (I Thessalonians 5:22) so if you look like you are doing wrong in dating/courtship then you are doing wrong. In all honesty I know two couples who never met personally until a week before their wedding (1 older couple got to know each other by mail and phone and a younger couple by facebook and skype) and both couples had people ask them if they got married because of a pregnancy. If you are not married then someone is going to assume you are doing wrong because they like to gossip. So what is wise and unwise in your situation?
The reality is that there is a lot of wonderful advice out there that you are often not in a place to comply with it. If I told you that spending a million dollars to buy land is a great investment and you don’t have a million dollars you cannot follow my advice. It could be the best advice in the world but you have no ability to do it. But if you do not do what I advised, will you go to jail or get fined? No! Why not? Because its not unlawful to not follow my advice.
Often what your parents say, books say, and the church says is wise, but you are not sinning (assuming you are an adult) to not follow their advice. You may be doing the stupidest thing you will ever do in your life but stupidity is not a sin. In fact they may have given the worst advice you ever received in your life and the best decision you ever make is not listening to them.
The Bible says “A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels” (Proverbs 1:5)
This verse simply says a wise man will listen. It does not say he will do everything he is told.
I think you should talk to your parents about dating/courtship, read the books, listen to the sermons, with the understanding that whatever they say is council. And if you do not do what they say then you are not sinning as long as you don’t do the only 2 things the Bible says is wrong in dating.
I want you to understand as I write more articles on dating that I am doing my best to give you wise council but if you cannot follow my advice, or if you think my advice is wrong or wont work for your unique situation and wont or cant follow it then you are not sinning. Advice is just that, advice.
If I can be very honest with you a part of the reason why I am writing this is because many Christian leaders, pastors, authors, parents have set the bar so high in dating/courtship no one can meet their standard. And we have so many singles who know that they cannot meet the artificial Christian standard so since its hopeless about them getting married because there is no way they can do the 97,000 things mentioned by Christian so and so they console themselves with porn. The devil tells them they will never be able to do all those things and the devils right, but God never expected you to do all those things. There are only 2 sins you can commit in dating. Everything else is either wise or unwise.
So as we go forward I am writing to you with the understanding that I am talking to you about council and wisdom, and if you don’t follow my council then you have not sinned, be at peace.
With that said lets discuss what is sinful in dating/courtship.
1. Dating a non-Christian is sinful
2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2. Having sex outside of marriage is sinful
1Co 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
I would argue that you would be hard pressed to find any other clear sins you can commit in dating in the Bible. Sure you could say, that if God has clearly called you to a specific ministry, like the foreign mission field, and you marry someone who would make it impossible to obey the call of God, is a sin. But that isn’t clear cut. And that doesn’t govern every Christian because not every Christian has a clear call of God.
So to sum it up, dating a non-Christian is clearly sin, and having sex outside of marriage is sin. Nothing else exclusive to dating is a sin.
Maybe you are thinking about all the books written on dating/courtship, the conversations you had with your parents, or the sermons you have heard about dating. If any of these have told you that it’s a sin to do something beyond these two things in dating then I would encourage you to look up the verses they mentioned, if they even mentioned verses. Outside of these two sins everything you do in dating is either wise or unwise.
Perhaps you will argue that if you were to get married then you need to do certain things to be a good husband or be a good wife, and I would point out that we are talking about dating. Husbands and wives have a lot of biblical responsibilities that boyfriends and girlfriends do not have. The dating and engagement process takes time and in that time you as a couple should get to the place where you will be obedient to what the Bible says about husbands and wives. But if you are not there today then its not a sin to date. It may be unwise but its not a sin.
Maybe you are thinking that the Bible says “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (I Thessalonians 5:22) so if you look like you are doing wrong in dating/courtship then you are doing wrong. In all honesty I know two couples who never met personally until a week before their wedding (1 older couple got to know each other by mail and phone and a younger couple by facebook and skype) and both couples had people ask them if they got married because of a pregnancy. If you are not married then someone is going to assume you are doing wrong because they like to gossip. So what is wise and unwise in your situation?
The reality is that there is a lot of wonderful advice out there that you are often not in a place to comply with it. If I told you that spending a million dollars to buy land is a great investment and you don’t have a million dollars you cannot follow my advice. It could be the best advice in the world but you have no ability to do it. But if you do not do what I advised, will you go to jail or get fined? No! Why not? Because its not unlawful to not follow my advice.
Often what your parents say, books say, and the church says is wise, but you are not sinning (assuming you are an adult) to not follow their advice. You may be doing the stupidest thing you will ever do in your life but stupidity is not a sin. In fact they may have given the worst advice you ever received in your life and the best decision you ever make is not listening to them.
The Bible says “A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels” (Proverbs 1:5)
This verse simply says a wise man will listen. It does not say he will do everything he is told.
I think you should talk to your parents about dating/courtship, read the books, listen to the sermons, with the understanding that whatever they say is council. And if you do not do what they say then you are not sinning as long as you don’t do the only 2 things the Bible says is wrong in dating.
I want you to understand as I write more articles on dating that I am doing my best to give you wise council but if you cannot follow my advice, or if you think my advice is wrong or wont work for your unique situation and wont or cant follow it then you are not sinning. Advice is just that, advice.
If I can be very honest with you a part of the reason why I am writing this is because many Christian leaders, pastors, authors, parents have set the bar so high in dating/courtship no one can meet their standard. And we have so many singles who know that they cannot meet the artificial Christian standard so since its hopeless about them getting married because there is no way they can do the 97,000 things mentioned by Christian so and so they console themselves with porn. The devil tells them they will never be able to do all those things and the devils right, but God never expected you to do all those things. There are only 2 sins you can commit in dating. Everything else is either wise or unwise.
So as we go forward I am writing to you with the understanding that I am talking to you about council and wisdom, and if you don’t follow my council then you have not sinned, be at peace.