Self Worth, Sex, and Pride
One of the difficulties with overcoming porn addiction is that God designed sex to be an intricate, intimate part of every humans life. When we partake of porn and masturbation it can be very hard to separate what God intended from what the devil, and sin perverted. Many times in my testimony I talk about being double minded. Once you partake of the sin of porn it is very easy to believe very contradictory things on the subject of sex.
As far as I can tell God designed sex to be part of a man’s view on self-worth. There is a difference between self-worth and pride. Self-worth (among other things) is when you recognize that you have done a good job at whatever you do. For instance recognizing you build something well, play a musical instrument well, interact with people well, or do any number of things well. Recognizing you did a good job is part of self-worth, and its healthy.
Pride on the other hand is when you make yourself out to be more than you ought to. For instance instead of being satisfied you play the guitar well, you tell people that you are the best guitar player of all time, or tell people how much better at playing the guitar than someone else. At this point your self-worth became self-centered and prideful.
Having self-worth is healthy and having pride is harmful. Please note that many times when our culture uses the word pride it really means self-worth. Many times we use the statement take pride in your work, and it means do a good job and do the best you can do. That isn’t a sin. We are to always do the best we can do, but when we get self-centered, or belittle others in the best we can do that’s when we step into sin.
I make no secret I am a single adult, and a virgin and yet in reality even in my life I get self-worth out of the subject of sex. I believe it’s best for me to be a virgin when I get married and since I am doing what I understand to be the best thing for me to do I have self-worth in this area of my life. Some single guys are not married and have failed hold onto their virginity and have made the decision to be abstinent until marriage and they get some form of self-worth in their abstinence. Married men in a healthy marriage get self-worth out of the sex they have with their wives, and if there are problems in the marriage it will show up in the bedroom and take away the man’s self-worth. This is simply how God made men and.
In less than a month I will be 3 years of no porn and no masturbation. For over a year maybe close to 2 years I have recognized that somewhere in me is a root of pride that keeps tempting me to go back to the misery of porn and masturbation and I could not figure out what that root of pride was. The reason being that this root of pride was very close to this natural self-worth that God made part of our nature. It has taken me almost 3 years to find this very subtle doublemindedness.
This is honestly the second root of pride I found in me. The first root was strongly linked to envy and covetousness. I would ask the question about why someone else got to be married and have legal sex when I didn’t, and my flesh would use my pride to draw me to porn.
This new found root of pride is so much more subtle. This root of pride is where the flesh flatters me to try to get me to go back into the misery of porn. This root of pride grows right alongside my self-worth.
Certainly our culture has fed this root. How many Hollywood icons are deemed the best of men because of how many women they had sex with, or the famous women they had sex with or how often they had sex, or how amazing they supposedly are at sex. We have heard this message since we were old enough to watch tv or listen to the radio. It is very easy to be double minded here.
On one hand to get self-worth by your virginity or abstinence but on the other hand for you flesh to constantly bombard you with fantasies of how amazing you are because of how many women you are with in your fantasy, or what you are doing in your fantasy, or the famous women you are with in your fantasy. Make no mistake your flesh is flattering you, and trying to use your pride to bring you back to the misery of porn.
Over the last few months I realized my flesh is putting fantasies in my head where I am basically a cult leader where the women are doing whatever I want. Chances are that’s how my fantasies have always been. Me having total control of the woman, or the woman doing whatever I want, it’s the same difference. In my fantasies I am the god of that world. That flattery feeds my pride, which my flesh hopes will bring me back to porn. Even if it’s just a fantasy I am uncomfortable getting that kind of reverence and obedience.
When your flesh gives you a fantasy of you with multiple women, or famous women, or you being the best stud ever, your flesh is flattering you and trying to use your pride to get you back to porn addiction.
I have determined that when my flesh flatters me and makes me the god of my fantasy world, I will in turn praise God and give Him the praise He is worthy of. I am unworthy of the flattery my flesh gives me, so when my flesh lies to me with flattering fantasies I will take that as a time to praise my God, who died for me, offered me new life in Him, who is creator of all, and a wonderful loving Father to me.
I cannot stop my wicked flesh from flattering me with wicked fantasies, particularly fantasies I spent 14 years feeding, but I can change my response to my fleshes flattery. I can glorify my God instead of glorifying my flesh.
1Co 1:26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
1Co 1:27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
1Co 1:28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:
1Co 1:29 That no flesh should glory in his presence.
When I get to heaven no flesh will be glorified, God will be glorified alone, so why should I not have a little bit of heaven on earth and glorify my God when my flesh is trying to use lying flattery to get me to sin?
As far as I can tell God designed sex to be part of a man’s view on self-worth. There is a difference between self-worth and pride. Self-worth (among other things) is when you recognize that you have done a good job at whatever you do. For instance recognizing you build something well, play a musical instrument well, interact with people well, or do any number of things well. Recognizing you did a good job is part of self-worth, and its healthy.
Pride on the other hand is when you make yourself out to be more than you ought to. For instance instead of being satisfied you play the guitar well, you tell people that you are the best guitar player of all time, or tell people how much better at playing the guitar than someone else. At this point your self-worth became self-centered and prideful.
Having self-worth is healthy and having pride is harmful. Please note that many times when our culture uses the word pride it really means self-worth. Many times we use the statement take pride in your work, and it means do a good job and do the best you can do. That isn’t a sin. We are to always do the best we can do, but when we get self-centered, or belittle others in the best we can do that’s when we step into sin.
I make no secret I am a single adult, and a virgin and yet in reality even in my life I get self-worth out of the subject of sex. I believe it’s best for me to be a virgin when I get married and since I am doing what I understand to be the best thing for me to do I have self-worth in this area of my life. Some single guys are not married and have failed hold onto their virginity and have made the decision to be abstinent until marriage and they get some form of self-worth in their abstinence. Married men in a healthy marriage get self-worth out of the sex they have with their wives, and if there are problems in the marriage it will show up in the bedroom and take away the man’s self-worth. This is simply how God made men and.
In less than a month I will be 3 years of no porn and no masturbation. For over a year maybe close to 2 years I have recognized that somewhere in me is a root of pride that keeps tempting me to go back to the misery of porn and masturbation and I could not figure out what that root of pride was. The reason being that this root of pride was very close to this natural self-worth that God made part of our nature. It has taken me almost 3 years to find this very subtle doublemindedness.
This is honestly the second root of pride I found in me. The first root was strongly linked to envy and covetousness. I would ask the question about why someone else got to be married and have legal sex when I didn’t, and my flesh would use my pride to draw me to porn.
This new found root of pride is so much more subtle. This root of pride is where the flesh flatters me to try to get me to go back into the misery of porn. This root of pride grows right alongside my self-worth.
Certainly our culture has fed this root. How many Hollywood icons are deemed the best of men because of how many women they had sex with, or the famous women they had sex with or how often they had sex, or how amazing they supposedly are at sex. We have heard this message since we were old enough to watch tv or listen to the radio. It is very easy to be double minded here.
On one hand to get self-worth by your virginity or abstinence but on the other hand for you flesh to constantly bombard you with fantasies of how amazing you are because of how many women you are with in your fantasy, or what you are doing in your fantasy, or the famous women you are with in your fantasy. Make no mistake your flesh is flattering you, and trying to use your pride to bring you back to the misery of porn.
Over the last few months I realized my flesh is putting fantasies in my head where I am basically a cult leader where the women are doing whatever I want. Chances are that’s how my fantasies have always been. Me having total control of the woman, or the woman doing whatever I want, it’s the same difference. In my fantasies I am the god of that world. That flattery feeds my pride, which my flesh hopes will bring me back to porn. Even if it’s just a fantasy I am uncomfortable getting that kind of reverence and obedience.
When your flesh gives you a fantasy of you with multiple women, or famous women, or you being the best stud ever, your flesh is flattering you and trying to use your pride to get you back to porn addiction.
I have determined that when my flesh flatters me and makes me the god of my fantasy world, I will in turn praise God and give Him the praise He is worthy of. I am unworthy of the flattery my flesh gives me, so when my flesh lies to me with flattering fantasies I will take that as a time to praise my God, who died for me, offered me new life in Him, who is creator of all, and a wonderful loving Father to me.
I cannot stop my wicked flesh from flattering me with wicked fantasies, particularly fantasies I spent 14 years feeding, but I can change my response to my fleshes flattery. I can glorify my God instead of glorifying my flesh.
1Co 1:26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
1Co 1:27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
1Co 1:28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:
1Co 1:29 That no flesh should glory in his presence.
When I get to heaven no flesh will be glorified, God will be glorified alone, so why should I not have a little bit of heaven on earth and glorify my God when my flesh is trying to use lying flattery to get me to sin?