The Greatest Joy In This Life
To start out this series I have to put marriage and sex in a biblical context of importance, and joy.
If you are a single person struggling with pornography and you think marriage and sex are the greatest joys this life has to offer then you are going to have a very hard time overcoming your porn addiction, because it is so easy to be angry at God for not giving you something that you think you deserve. It is so easy to think that if God wont give you marriage and sex then you will settle for porn. This is idolatry and covetousness. As long as idolatry and covetousness are in your heart and life you will have an incredibly difficult time breaking the chains of porn addiction.
Our culture certainly teaches us that marriage and sex are the greatest joys you can have, but Gods word teaches us that there is a greater joy in this life.
3John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
When the Bible says children here, in context it is not talking about biological children but the people that the author discipled. The man who wrote 3 John 1:4 is saying that over the years he has taken people under his wing, shown them how to do right, discipled them, and in time they went their way and he went his, and his greatest joy in life, more than marriage, sex, or anything else, is to hear about how the people he discipled is doing right.
If you are a single struggling with pornography you need to hear this. You need to put marriage and sex in the right context biblically. Marriage and sex are not the greatest things God has for you in this life, discipleship is.
If you are like me and you got it into your head young that the best thing in this world is marriage and sex, then you have spent a great deal of time fantasizing about marriage and sex, and trying to get to the best marriage and sex possible. You have your vision of what that will be like. If you believe marriage and sex are the greatest things God has for you in this life then your fantasizing and envisioning of it rate very high on your to do list. What I am asking you to do is take marriage and sex off your top list of joys to fantasize and envision and replace it with discipleship.
That isn’t to say that marriage and sex in marriage are off the table, just that they should no longer be on the top shelf. Discipleship is to take that place.
Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he”
In your vision of marriage, do you want to get married for selfless reasons, or selfish reasons? Personally, I want to get married because I want to be a couple, I want to have sex, I want to be able to pour my heart and life into someone else. I want to get married for selfish reasons, and there is nothing wrong with that.
But if you change your vision of the greatest joy in life to discipleship, taking someone under your wing, your vision will be selfless because discipleship is by default not about you. In marriage there is give and take; in discipleship there is only give. How will making discipleship your top shelf vision of joy change your view on marriage and sex? Only for the better.
Maybe you are reading this and wondering what discipleship is. I believe there are 4 areas where you can disciple someone.
The first area is a walk with Christ. You can teach someone how to read their Bible, pray, worship and anything else that goes with a genuine walk with God. Maybe you are not in a place today where you can teach someone any of these things, and that’s okay. As a single person you have a vision of marriage, and so you too should have a vision of discipleship. What would it take for you to get to the place to show someone how to read their Bible, pray and worship? Start your journey today so that one day you can take someone under your wing, show them how to have a walk with Christ and have the greatest joy that God has for you on this earth.
The second area is service. God has given every Christian a spiritual gift (I Corinthians 12) and thus every Christian has a spiritual need to serve the Lord in some way fashion or form in the local church. Do you do anything well enough in your local church to show/teach someone else how to do what you do? If not then your vision should be to get so good at something in your local church that you can teach others how to do whatever it is God has gifted you in doing, because this will be the greatest joy you have in this life.
The third area is like a father treats his son. In I Timothy 5:1 we are told to treat elders as fathers, older women as mothers, young men as brothers and young women as sisters. In I Thessalonians 2:11 Paul told the Thessalonians that the men that planted that church there treated them like fathers treat their own children. It is right to be so close to someone that you treat them like a father treats a son, or if you are a woman treat a young woman like a mom treats a daughter. Paul was a single man and yet he called three men, by name, his sons. If you are not ready today to treat someone like a father treats a son, then you should have a vision for one day treating someone who is not your blood like a father treats his children. This is the greatest joy in life.
The fourth and final area is addiction recovery. Galatians 6:1 says that a spiritual Christian is to restore a Christian who is overcome in a fault. Romans 15:1 says that the strong are to bear the infirmities of the weak. One day when you have overcome your porn addiction you should turn around and help others overcome their addiction. And if the Bible be true then you will have more joy in helping someone overcome their addiction than you will in overcoming your own. What can you today to prepare to help someone overcome their addiction 5 years from now? Develop this vision because one day it will be the greatest joy in your life.
If discipleship becomes your top shelf vision of joy it can do nothing but help you prepare for marriage. When you are married you are going to need to walk with God together. Discipleship teaches that. You will need to work together. Discipleship teaches that. You will need to be emotionally intimate. Discipleship teaches that. You will need to overcome each other’s baggage. Discipleship teaches that. I believe that once discipleship is your top shelf vision of joy then it will naturally make marriage better.
I say this in part because I believe it is true, but also in part because if you are like me you made up your mind when you were 5 that marriage is the greatest joy this world has to offer and it will take you months to wrap your head around the idea the God offers us something better in this life than marriage.
So I ask that, as we begin discussing the topic of dating in the midst of porn addiction, that you realize that according to the Bible marriage and sex are not the greatest joys in life, discipleship is.
If you are a single person struggling with pornography and you think marriage and sex are the greatest joys this life has to offer then you are going to have a very hard time overcoming your porn addiction, because it is so easy to be angry at God for not giving you something that you think you deserve. It is so easy to think that if God wont give you marriage and sex then you will settle for porn. This is idolatry and covetousness. As long as idolatry and covetousness are in your heart and life you will have an incredibly difficult time breaking the chains of porn addiction.
Our culture certainly teaches us that marriage and sex are the greatest joys you can have, but Gods word teaches us that there is a greater joy in this life.
3John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
When the Bible says children here, in context it is not talking about biological children but the people that the author discipled. The man who wrote 3 John 1:4 is saying that over the years he has taken people under his wing, shown them how to do right, discipled them, and in time they went their way and he went his, and his greatest joy in life, more than marriage, sex, or anything else, is to hear about how the people he discipled is doing right.
If you are a single struggling with pornography you need to hear this. You need to put marriage and sex in the right context biblically. Marriage and sex are not the greatest things God has for you in this life, discipleship is.
If you are like me and you got it into your head young that the best thing in this world is marriage and sex, then you have spent a great deal of time fantasizing about marriage and sex, and trying to get to the best marriage and sex possible. You have your vision of what that will be like. If you believe marriage and sex are the greatest things God has for you in this life then your fantasizing and envisioning of it rate very high on your to do list. What I am asking you to do is take marriage and sex off your top list of joys to fantasize and envision and replace it with discipleship.
That isn’t to say that marriage and sex in marriage are off the table, just that they should no longer be on the top shelf. Discipleship is to take that place.
Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he”
In your vision of marriage, do you want to get married for selfless reasons, or selfish reasons? Personally, I want to get married because I want to be a couple, I want to have sex, I want to be able to pour my heart and life into someone else. I want to get married for selfish reasons, and there is nothing wrong with that.
But if you change your vision of the greatest joy in life to discipleship, taking someone under your wing, your vision will be selfless because discipleship is by default not about you. In marriage there is give and take; in discipleship there is only give. How will making discipleship your top shelf vision of joy change your view on marriage and sex? Only for the better.
Maybe you are reading this and wondering what discipleship is. I believe there are 4 areas where you can disciple someone.
The first area is a walk with Christ. You can teach someone how to read their Bible, pray, worship and anything else that goes with a genuine walk with God. Maybe you are not in a place today where you can teach someone any of these things, and that’s okay. As a single person you have a vision of marriage, and so you too should have a vision of discipleship. What would it take for you to get to the place to show someone how to read their Bible, pray and worship? Start your journey today so that one day you can take someone under your wing, show them how to have a walk with Christ and have the greatest joy that God has for you on this earth.
The second area is service. God has given every Christian a spiritual gift (I Corinthians 12) and thus every Christian has a spiritual need to serve the Lord in some way fashion or form in the local church. Do you do anything well enough in your local church to show/teach someone else how to do what you do? If not then your vision should be to get so good at something in your local church that you can teach others how to do whatever it is God has gifted you in doing, because this will be the greatest joy you have in this life.
The third area is like a father treats his son. In I Timothy 5:1 we are told to treat elders as fathers, older women as mothers, young men as brothers and young women as sisters. In I Thessalonians 2:11 Paul told the Thessalonians that the men that planted that church there treated them like fathers treat their own children. It is right to be so close to someone that you treat them like a father treats a son, or if you are a woman treat a young woman like a mom treats a daughter. Paul was a single man and yet he called three men, by name, his sons. If you are not ready today to treat someone like a father treats a son, then you should have a vision for one day treating someone who is not your blood like a father treats his children. This is the greatest joy in life.
The fourth and final area is addiction recovery. Galatians 6:1 says that a spiritual Christian is to restore a Christian who is overcome in a fault. Romans 15:1 says that the strong are to bear the infirmities of the weak. One day when you have overcome your porn addiction you should turn around and help others overcome their addiction. And if the Bible be true then you will have more joy in helping someone overcome their addiction than you will in overcoming your own. What can you today to prepare to help someone overcome their addiction 5 years from now? Develop this vision because one day it will be the greatest joy in your life.
If discipleship becomes your top shelf vision of joy it can do nothing but help you prepare for marriage. When you are married you are going to need to walk with God together. Discipleship teaches that. You will need to work together. Discipleship teaches that. You will need to be emotionally intimate. Discipleship teaches that. You will need to overcome each other’s baggage. Discipleship teaches that. I believe that once discipleship is your top shelf vision of joy then it will naturally make marriage better.
I say this in part because I believe it is true, but also in part because if you are like me you made up your mind when you were 5 that marriage is the greatest joy this world has to offer and it will take you months to wrap your head around the idea the God offers us something better in this life than marriage.
So I ask that, as we begin discussing the topic of dating in the midst of porn addiction, that you realize that according to the Bible marriage and sex are not the greatest joys in life, discipleship is.