I would love for as many like minded Christians singles, as possible, to share their story of at least 90 days of success on this website. Whether you did all the stuff I did or different stuff doesnt matter. The more Christian singles who have a testimony of overcoming this addiction (for at least 90 days) the more help our brothers and sisters in Christ will get through our testimonies. Here is the first story of 90 days of success someone shared with me and gave permission for me to share on this website. hopefully many more will follow.
Newlife's Story
So I guess we’re going back to the very beginning. I grew up in a Christian home, well, at least my mother was—I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 9. My biological father left us (pregnant mom and 2 kids) when I was about 4 as deadbeat dads usually do. My mother remarried when I was 7. He was an abuser (more psychological than physical, though there were a few times) who no doubt left me with self esteem issues on his way, or I should say, on our way out about 5 years later. I can’t remember if my first experience with pornography happened after my mother left him or shortly before; but anyway, there was a concrete drainage channel back in the woods behind the houses where the cool kids went to be up to no good. It was a day like this that I went back there to meet up with some “friends.” They knew I was a Christian or a goody-goody or whatever, so they took it upon themselves to introduce me to the ways of the world. Misery loves company after all. When I came upon them, they had cut out playboy pictures from a magazine and had them neatly placed on the ground for all to see. At first I turned away knowing it was wrong, but they coaxed me back just as the serpent did with Eve. So I looked. And I liked it. And that’s all it took.
We didn’t have access to cable and internet then, thank God! So I used my imagination and when I was really adventurous, the happy meal version of a blow up doll: a stuffed animal. We didn’t have dirty movies or girly magazines and we spent more and more time at church. I was in a very active youth group so I stayed busy. My mother remarried again and this time it was for good. Her new husband adopted me when I was 14 and was the father figure I really needed to become the man I am today. If anything, though, my pleasure window got more and more narrow with the new dad. He was very strict about obeying God and the Bible. Now looking back, I’m very thankful that I got such a strong godly upbringing in my teenage years. I knew deep down masturbation was wrong, but there was no concrete scripture forbidding it so I just figured it wasn’t that bad. I did try to stop and succeeded on and off, but I always went back. I got caught one time, a most unpleasant experience, and my parents made me go on a 7 day fast. Didn’t cure me, but sure made me more careful about getting caught again!
Since I wasn’t exposed to pornography almost at all until I left home at 23, when I did get the freedom I looked mostly at girls in bikinis. The idea of watching other people having sex just didn’t appeal to me; and when I would look at nudie pictures I couldn’t stop myself from finishing and then the “fun” was over. I really wasn’t happy and I felt guilty every time, but I didn’t know how to stop so I didn’t bother trying.
5 years ago, my dad was in a horrible accident that almost killed him. From that point on, I began to get my life together and get right with God. I gave up the sinful lifestyle I was leading, but lust had such a strong hold after 20 years that it refused to go without a fight—basically a 5 year fight and I’m still technically fighting. When I first decided to give it up, I went almost 6 months without a “relapse”. It was so easy after the first month. No more uncontrollable urges; just a little knock at the door every now and then, it was easy enough to handle. But then I made the mistake of thinking I was free. 1 Corinthians 10:12 says, “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.” I did just that in January of 2016 just shy of 6 months. What a waste, 6 months is a long streak for an addict!
After that, it got harder and harder to quit. And the depression was getting so heavy that I felt like I was living in hell. I was averaging about 3 week relapses. I did everything I could think of to stop. I taught myself to look at girls from the neck up, if I saw “indecent exposure”, I would rebuke lust in His name; I fasted and prayed often, I banned myself from drinking alcohol since I couldn’t control my urges under the influence; I stopped watching any movies with suggestive material. All of that helped a lot, especially the fasting, but there was always that hard day at work that left me looking for a release. When I gave up my sinful ways and started following God again, I lost most of my worldly friends. So with no social life I always ended up alone at home with internet and cable calling out to me.
Then, last year, I struck gold. I started really praying for a wife. At 36 I figured it was about time; and I knew it would help if I was in a relationship with a godly woman. Well, He answered my prayer in December last year and thus started my latest streak of abstaining from fleshly lust. It’s been almost 4 months now and though I struggle sometimes with not thinking sexual thoughts about my fiancée, it’s a lot easier to avoid looking at women. Now more than ever I don’t want to masturbate because I don’t want to taint our unity. She knows what I struggle with and prays for me instead of judging me. She’s so wonderful!
We didn’t have access to cable and internet then, thank God! So I used my imagination and when I was really adventurous, the happy meal version of a blow up doll: a stuffed animal. We didn’t have dirty movies or girly magazines and we spent more and more time at church. I was in a very active youth group so I stayed busy. My mother remarried again and this time it was for good. Her new husband adopted me when I was 14 and was the father figure I really needed to become the man I am today. If anything, though, my pleasure window got more and more narrow with the new dad. He was very strict about obeying God and the Bible. Now looking back, I’m very thankful that I got such a strong godly upbringing in my teenage years. I knew deep down masturbation was wrong, but there was no concrete scripture forbidding it so I just figured it wasn’t that bad. I did try to stop and succeeded on and off, but I always went back. I got caught one time, a most unpleasant experience, and my parents made me go on a 7 day fast. Didn’t cure me, but sure made me more careful about getting caught again!
Since I wasn’t exposed to pornography almost at all until I left home at 23, when I did get the freedom I looked mostly at girls in bikinis. The idea of watching other people having sex just didn’t appeal to me; and when I would look at nudie pictures I couldn’t stop myself from finishing and then the “fun” was over. I really wasn’t happy and I felt guilty every time, but I didn’t know how to stop so I didn’t bother trying.
5 years ago, my dad was in a horrible accident that almost killed him. From that point on, I began to get my life together and get right with God. I gave up the sinful lifestyle I was leading, but lust had such a strong hold after 20 years that it refused to go without a fight—basically a 5 year fight and I’m still technically fighting. When I first decided to give it up, I went almost 6 months without a “relapse”. It was so easy after the first month. No more uncontrollable urges; just a little knock at the door every now and then, it was easy enough to handle. But then I made the mistake of thinking I was free. 1 Corinthians 10:12 says, “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.” I did just that in January of 2016 just shy of 6 months. What a waste, 6 months is a long streak for an addict!
After that, it got harder and harder to quit. And the depression was getting so heavy that I felt like I was living in hell. I was averaging about 3 week relapses. I did everything I could think of to stop. I taught myself to look at girls from the neck up, if I saw “indecent exposure”, I would rebuke lust in His name; I fasted and prayed often, I banned myself from drinking alcohol since I couldn’t control my urges under the influence; I stopped watching any movies with suggestive material. All of that helped a lot, especially the fasting, but there was always that hard day at work that left me looking for a release. When I gave up my sinful ways and started following God again, I lost most of my worldly friends. So with no social life I always ended up alone at home with internet and cable calling out to me.
Then, last year, I struck gold. I started really praying for a wife. At 36 I figured it was about time; and I knew it would help if I was in a relationship with a godly woman. Well, He answered my prayer in December last year and thus started my latest streak of abstaining from fleshly lust. It’s been almost 4 months now and though I struggle sometimes with not thinking sexual thoughts about my fiancée, it’s a lot easier to avoid looking at women. Now more than ever I don’t want to masturbate because I don’t want to taint our unity. She knows what I struggle with and prays for me instead of judging me. She’s so wonderful!